I am still sitting in the reality of losing one of the most kind, loving, friendly, funny and GOOD friend just days ago.
Collapsed at work. Autopsy has not confirmed (to his family’s satisfaction) what exactly happened.
I’m sad to a point that I want to boil. No, I’m not sad, I’m mad. I’m pissed and angry and wish I could change what has happened. I also feel helpless.
Today (or was it last night…life blurs when you have three camps every day and see the same 100+ people every day at different times of the day) I was jaw jacking with a person I have opened my deepest feelings to. WHY is this happening? I can barely handle losing so many people. WHY!?
I find myself staring out the window while my husband drives wondering WHAT IS THE POINT. Why are we here wandering this earth? What is the reason we drag ourselves through muck and pain? Why are there people that are total evil mother fluckers that should die but the GOOD ONES go first?
A lot of people have a faith in their lives. That is not how I was raised and maybe it is why I feel so much ANGER with no one to point it at when someone good passes away.
Take the asshole mother fluckers to the next place!!
LEAVE MY GOOD FRIENDS AND GOOD FAMILY MEMBERS ALONE!!
I believe that my friend Dave is still near me, near his family as a spirit floating around wishing he could change what has happened. Things happened in perfect order with Dave. He was a planner and do’er. He ran 100 mile races AS A HOBBY. His diet was healthy. He gave to so many that needed. He took care of more (and I’m sure we’ll find out who else and what else as the days roll by).
My dear friend Mary passed away way too young. I wrote a post about her. I think of her every single day and the stern advice she gave me. It is partly why I feel so willing to get rid of everything I own to leap into our new life.
My step-daughter Amanda passed away at 17 years old. 17. It is unexplainable how this could possibly be OK. It’s unfair and I will not change my mind.
My mom. I NEED MY MOM!!!!!!! Mom’s need to be around until their kids are old farts. They need to experience the love and life their kids will work hard to give them. They deserve it. There is NO WAY anyone could change my mind on this.
I’m not going to continue.
Just know: I think it is completely UNFAIR and CRUEL to everyone to take the good people in my life.
There are plenty of awful people that don’t care a hoot about anyone but themselves that should go to a new place.
Rest in PEACE Dave Liston. June 15th, 2017.
I don’t know where you are but my wish is that you are in a good place where you are being cared for and doted on. Where there are all of the dogs that have passed on. Where there are plenty of trails for you to run on. Where there are a few spreadsheets too (because I think you actually loved working and doing what you did because you were damn good at it).
Rest In PEACE Katie Jenks. July 5th, 2017.